Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
