3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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