when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
