Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
