I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
