So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
