I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
