hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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