At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
