i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
