went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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