I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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