Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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