We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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