I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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