my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
