The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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