Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
that's an acceptable place to lick
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
