It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
