Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
