According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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