i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
