PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Screwed.edu
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
