You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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