Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
