Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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