a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Four minutes until I can fart!
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
