Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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