I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize