I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
