I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
