literally had 100 drinks last night.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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