Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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