I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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