I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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