Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
