you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
