I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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