can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
