You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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