life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
