I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
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went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
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It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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