I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Your cock deserves a montage
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
