he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
