i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
