Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
