WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
She announced her abortion via fbk
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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