I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
