that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
