so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
operation have a gay friend backfired
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
