HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
