He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
