What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
