well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
