Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
