this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
