I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
