WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize