sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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