But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
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I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
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The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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