I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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