Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
