i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
where are my eyebrows?
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